What Are Words For? (8/8)

[Railyn]

I swear I'm not in a wistful mood again, but this one keeps popping in my head, so I might as well put it up.

My one Uncle (my mom's brother) showed up at the office recently. He does that frequently. He's a bit (for lack of a better word) slow, and doesn't express himself well over the phone, and he's on disability for a debilitating arm injury he received at work, so he's really got nothing better to do all day anyway. He needed my dad's help replacing a piece on his toilet at his house he just bought, and rather than try to describe it, he just brought it down.

Anyway, he came over to my desk while my mom had to take a call, and was talking about my other uncle, their youngest brother, who passed away in March. They hadn't spoken for years, for reasons I won't go into, but thankfully reconciled with him before he lost his mental capacities. He was the subject of my very last post at YL (and those of you who sent condolences who I never got to thank, thank you). He donated his body to science, and we've all been kind of wondering lately where he is (we know he's at Hershey Medical Center Teaching Hospital but that's about it) and hoping that he's helping future doctors. We haven't been notified that they're done with him yet, so we assume he's still being used by the cancer specialists.

Sorry to get so long there, but anyway, my uncle didn't lead the best life. Got into a lot of trouble, hurt a lot of people, etc. You could say it ultimately caught up to him. I was sitting around after his passing one night, not able to sleep, and pulled out my prize very expensive Jackson Browne import cd. This song came on, and made me cry. It so mirrors his life. So I dedicate this one to Clarence "Dutch" "Hair Bear" Michael Stahl - 1952-2003 - we miss you even if no one else does.

RUNNING ON EMPTY
By: Jackson Browne
Album: Running On Empty
Author: J. Browne

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels
Looking back at the years gone by like so many summer fields
In sixty-five I was seventeen and running up one-o-one
I don't know where I'm running now, I'm just running on

Running on - running on empty
Running on - running blind
Running on - running into the sun
But I'm running behind

Gotta do what you can just to keep your love alive
Trying not to confuse it with what you do to survive
In sixty-nine I was twenty-one and I called the road my own
I don't know when that road turned onto the road I'm on

Running on - running on empty
Running on - running blind
Running on - running into the sun
But I'm running behind

Everyone I know, everywhere I go
People need some reason to believe
I don't know about anyone but me
If it takes all night, that'll be all right
If I can get you to smile before I leave

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels
I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels
I look around for the friends that I used to turn to to pull me through
Looking into their eyes I see them running too

Running on - running on empty
Running on - running blind
Running on - running into the sun
But I'm running behind

Honey you really tempt me
You know the way you look so kind
I'd love to stick around but I'm running behind
You know I don't even know what I'm hoping to find
Running into the sun but I'm running behind

(c) 1977 SWALLOW TURN MUSIC

My Opinion In A Nutshell - a classic, it can be directed toward many of lifes problems or situations. This just happens to work toward that he was always on the run from something or someone. He had the best of intentions, but never carried things out right, and ended up in trouble everytime. I was his only niece, and I must say he really did adore me. He always called me on my birthday, no matter if it was from the road somewhere, or prison, and sent me lovely handmade cards from prison, etc. I always tried to treat him like he was still a part of things - sent him graduation announcements, a wedding invitation even though I knew he would not be there.

Favorite Line: "I'd love to stick around but I'm running behind
You know I don't even know what I'm hoping to find"

[lora]

I am so sorry about your uncle. I can say that I know what you're going through, to an extent. When I was nine years old, I lost my favorite uncle. He was always there for me, and even though he did some things wrong in his life, I still loved him. He was just the coolest guy...He was killed in a drunk driving accident when I was 9. Although he and all others in the car with him (he was not driving) were drunk, the accident was not their fault. The car that hit them was driven by a 16-year-old, who was also drunk and crossed into their lane.

I'm sure this song describes my uncle's life as well. He always let his heart lead him, and that's what usually got him into trouble. To me, the song could be applied to anyone, though. The line that touched me the most was "I look around for the friends that I used to turn to to pull me through. Looking into their eyes I see them running too." I've had a lot of friends through the years who have turned their backs on me for some reason or another, and this line just reminds me of that.

[Railyn]

Lora-Forever said:

I am so sorry about your uncle. I can say that I know what you're going through, to an extent. When I was nine years old, I lost my favorite uncle. He was always there for me, and even though he did some things wrong in his life, I still loved him. He was just the coolest guy...He was killed in a drunk driving accident when I was 9. Although he and all others in the car with him (he was not driving) were drunk, the accident was not their fault. The car that hit them was driven by a 16-year-old, who was also drunk and crossed into their lane.

I'm sure this song describes my uncle's life as well. He always let his heart lead him, and that's what usually got him into trouble. To me, the song could be applied to anyone, though. The line that touched me the most was "I look around for the friends that I used to turn to to pull me through. Looking into their eyes I see them running too." I've had a lot of friends through the years who have turned their backs on me for some reason or another, and this line just reminds me of that.

That's the thing that stinks, too. It wasn't your Uncle's fault. Mine had tried very hard to turn his life around and was doing well until he became terminally ill. It just stinks, doesn't it?

I know what you mean about that line about the friends. Uncle Dutch had so many friends until he needed a favor. Then they were no where to be found.

Oh well. Hopefully they are in a much better place. Thanks for sharing. This whole situation about him dying and not having led a good life weighed heavy on my mind for so long, and a lot of people over at YL had helped me work through it, and it continues to help to talk about it. Thanks!

[Dawn]

I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your uncle, Railyn. Even though he may have made some wrong choices, he still sounds like a special man who cared a great deal about you.

You're right in that these lyrics could apply to so many situations - one of the strengths of the song, and of Jackson Browne's songwriting. For me, the line "I don't know what I'm hoping to find" really stands out. That describes my life up to this point very well.

[Railyn]

Dawn said:

I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your uncle, Railyn. Even though he may have made some wrong choices, he still sounds like a special man who cared a great deal about you.

You're right in that these lyrics could apply to so many situations - one of the strengths of the song, and of Jackson Browne's songwriting. For me, the line "I don't know what I'm hoping to find" really stands out. That describes my life up to this point very well.

I tell you what, Dawn, you're not alone. I was one of these people who had my life mapped out from the time I was little, then freaked when nothing turned out like I had planned. It's hard, but sometimes you just have to sit back, take stock, and come to the reailzation that if you're still breathing, not living in your car, and have some friends to talk to, then you're doing ok. The rest can be worked out. (My doctor told me that - he was way cool.) I'm slowly finding my way, and I'm sure you will too!

I also always liked the line about not knowing where the original road turned into the one he's on now. That is so true, things sneak up on you, and before you know it.......